1. Realize that Tantra is 3 per cent about sex. The rest is about meditation, presence, going slowly with awareness, melting into the heart, connection to the divine and realization and longing for unification.
2. Sublimate your energy. This means, when you are horny and have not outlet, do uddiyana bhanda breath retention and sublimation and also inversions in yoga like headstand and shoulderstand. Do things in ways that move towards love, not fulfilling what you think you need in times when you may feel “incomplete.”
3. Meditate daily and do one silent meditation retreat per year. This will automatically make you more tantric, as you will start to feel more, be more sensitive to touch, touch in a nicer way, be present with members of the opposite sex, and be able to focus more on what you are doing. Everything becomes tantric with meditation, as you love higher up Maslow’s ladder of hierarchy.
4. Communicate more on the things that really matter, like how something makes you feel, your relationship pluses and minuses, and what is making you alive, instead of how food tastes, observations about animals, and the weather.
5. Study love. What it means to you, what makes your heart beat faster, what touches you, and how you can be a more loving, contributing person to the community you are in, putting others before yourself. This is tantra.
6. Stop ejaculating or having clitoral orgasms if you can. This is bringing your energy down and depleting it, instead of the direction tantra is going energetically, and this is upward.
7. Try to stop judgements about sexuality. Group consciousness on the topic of tantra will rise if we speak of tantra with respect, openness and authenticity. It is given a bad name because of our wounds and insecurities, as well as being non-accepting of what we have participated in or lives in the relating world.
8. Give yourself love with massage, especially breast/chest massage when you are alone. This will cultivate more love and actions from the heart for all of us, which is tantric.
9. Be generous with touch, compliments, kindness, your body and your wisdom. There is not a huge percentage of the population that is looking for tantra, but we can give it a good name by being great human beings that wish to make sexual and all life experiences more blissful.
10. If you are going to move into the subject of tantra, please also do yoga. If it is just tantra, neo-tantra, tantra massage or rituals, the ethics can be forgotten, boundaries overstepped and mistakes made that are hurtful to people. Yogis and meditators serve to make tantra authentic, starting with healing and then being able to experience great states of pleasure, bliss and love.